Taking care of yourself is hard work. There is so much conflicting information in the world right now that it is almost impossible for a decision-making-challenged person like myself to make a positive lifestyle change that sticks.
Anything I finally decide to do for health reasons backfires.
I think that this may have something to do with latent diet mentality. Though I thoroughly express my satisfaction with myself for eating whatever I want when I’m hungry, I wonder if I’m really eating what I want. I have been eating lots of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, which makes me feel good–plus, they’re tasty. But then when I contemplate the fact that I use conventional produce instead of organic, I obsess about the pesticides and growth hormones I’m ingesting. I really want to eat all whole foods–items without preservatives, artificial ingredients, or hormones. Right now, it’s just not possible.
My main issue is that I can’t seem to shake the artificial sweeteners. Just drinking water is like prison to me. Of course, you must consider that my Mom practically switched me from formula to Mountain Dew at day three. By age 12 or so I was so cognizant of my own obesity that I switched to Diet Coke, while my petite mother scoffed at me “how can you drink that?” she would ask. Easy. You keep telling me I’m fat, so this is all I know to do about it–start living my life married to the word “diet”.
Today I stopped in Walgreens to get a magazine and I also picked up two packs of Wyler’s drink mixes for my boring bottled water (it’s like a cheap Crystal Light). Of course, it’s filled with chemicals. Bleh! My problem is that if I only have water and juice around to drink, I freak out about the calories in juice and drinking water is like death unless I’ve just worked out. So I have to have a little “backup” to safely allow me to drink a sweet, refreshing beverage.
WTF? All the time and energy I spend trying to wean myself off of sweeteners and then I go and purchase more. Plus I bought a 6 pack of Propel for our vacation this week (did I ever mention that DH and I are going to the mountains on Wedensday?). And I got a Coke Zero for the ride home from Walgreens.
If I really was eating/drinking what I want, I would toss the sweeteners and drink juice and water while forgetting the calories involved. I would also stop using powdered non-dairy creamer. And I would by as much organic, whole foods as possible.
I just can’t.
