my incessant hunger

incessanthunger — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:58:07 +0000

I haven’t posted here in a while because so many things have changed. I got a new job, I’m working on my PhD, and remarkably the binge eating has stopped.

I haven’t decided what to do with this blog. I might can it….

Clear Skies

incessanthunger — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 14:29:28 +0000

Part of me dislikes posting about feeling on the up–inevitably, every time I do, the next few days I crash and burn. BUT.

I feel good, health wise. I’m working out and eating right. No low carb or raw diets, just eating like I used to–lots of fresh fruit, whole grains, a little bit of meat, and low fat dairy. Realizing that my life is not spiraling out of control has brought me a sense of serenity, even though things aren’t exactly working out the way I had planned.

We found a new place, and unfortunately it’s an apartment and not a house. There was not a single house for rent in our new town, and we needed to move this month, preferably before school starts mid-month. Luckily, we can have our dog, no questions asked, and it’s a spacious 3 bedroom with a dishwasher and central air. I’m psyched. I hate washing dishes. As an added bonus, it’s a mere 1 mile from my work. If those bastards hadn’t stolen my bike, I could ride it to work.

I stopped by work yesterday and picked up a book for class. The secretary took us around to see my soon to be office, and I was pleased to have a space of my own. I have to keep reminding myself that this is only a year appointment, and they are as much on probation for me as I am for them. I have a right to decide whether I like the place or not.

I’ve been reading for my classes and I plan to spend this weekend getting together my syllabi so that I won’t have it hovering over me anymore.

In a way I feel like I don’t deserve this–but I’m trying to just go for the ride.

incessanthunger — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 01:37:16 +0000

I’m not dieting. Well, actually I go back and forth between dieting and not dieting, so that I’m probably just getting bigger.

Last night I drank an entire bottle of wine. Today I have felt like crap because of it.

I got a job. A big one. We’re moving.

Yikes.

hello?

incessanthunger — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:50:08 +0000

Well, I’m still struggling to make heads or tails of my eating habits. I’m also trying to decide if this blog helps or hurts me. I do appreciate all of the comments and the friends that I’ve made both here and on Peaches and Cream, but sometimes I wonder if I wallow in it too much. I know that several of you have considered the same thing. . .

I got a job adjuncting at a local (60 miles away) university. I will teach one class, and it pays little, but it’s a chance to “cut my teeth,” as they say. Looks like I may be taking out more student loans and going to school full time. I’m not totally opposed to this, but I really hate taking out more money. It’s either that or take another job I hate.

What’s another few thousands of bucks when it’s for your dream, right?

DH and I are okay. We’ve had some lows recently. I only hope that we can grasp whatever we have left.

I’m on a low carb diet, too. I was eating way too much crap, and feeling like it, so I’ve had to cut out sugar. It’s sad–I miss my chocolate and cereal. Meh!

The Dumps

incessanthunger — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 00:05:07 +0000

Welcome to the Dumps. That’s where I hang nowadays.

Both yesterday and today I dieted. Well, I take that back. I was low-carb dieting until just now when I ate two bowls of Kashi with blueberries and bananas. I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I’m just SO lonely–and when I’m bored and lonely all I think about is how things would be better if I was skinny. Then it snowballs into crash dieting for a few days, then I finally cave and feel bad that I can’t even stick to a stupid diet. It’s hopeless.

Anyway, I hate that lately my blogs have been pathetic. I hope tomorrow is better.

I doubt it, though.

Growl

incessanthunger — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 14:02:38 +0000

I’m so mad at my body right now.

As I sit here, surfing the net, my stomach is growling like it didn’t get ENOUGH last night. Ridiculous. I’m trying to not eat until lunch so that maybe I can balance out last nights festival of cereal, but I KNOW that this kind of behavior usually results in a later binge.

Crap! I just can’t get it together. I don’t know what to do anymore.

incessanthunger — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 01:41:49 +0000

I binged tonight. I don’t know why.

Tomorrow is a new day, I guess.

ugh

incessanthunger — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 20:56:15 +0000

goddamnit. I hate this! I hate being fat!

WTF is going on??

restless heart

incessanthunger — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:15:13 +0000

I’m having one of those “restless” days. I don’t know what I want to do. I know what I HAVE to do (read and fold laundry, plus a workout) but I don’t want to do anything (especially workout-I’ve already folded clothes, so there!).

Maybe I’ll snap out of it.

A Very Hot Hump Day

incessanthunger — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 01:55:40 +0000

I’m always a bit hesitant to blog about feeling good. Oh, and it’s hot.

For some reason, every time I blog that I am moving forward with my life, the very next day I blow up and everything goes to shit. But, I’ll risk it for a brief update.

I’m trying to not spend so much time on the computer. I’ve made my way through the articles that I needed to read, and now I’m starting on one of two books I want to have finished before July 1st. The first one is a thorough history of women in the United States, and the other is one on Georgia’s education reform in the early 20th century. I know, not a barrel full of monkeys, but hey, what is?

Second, I’ve been on the verge of strict dieting twice in the past week. However, I have not succumbed, and I am eating normally at the present moment. I had a few moments of over eating in the past week, but nothing like 6 granola bars and 4 bowls of cereal. More like 6 Hershey’s Kisses. Why, I think I should just consider that a snack, not a weak moment of guilt. Of course, any day now TOM will arrive which means that my hormonal circus is dutifully slowing down.

I’m keeping up with my workouts, which makes me feel good. It’s funny that I like to get a good sweat going from an intense workout session. When I was younger, working out meant walking from my room to the kitchen for a can of Pringle’s. Right now, I’m trying to not focus on burning X number of calories or seeing certain gains in my workouts. Just getting out there and doing at least an hour per day of something will suffice.

DH and I have been communicating more efficiently recently and we’ve actually been spending quality time together. A few nights ago we played cards, and as expected I kicked his ass in Rummy, while he reigns supreme at UNO.

Other than it being hotter than the deepest rung of Hell, the summer is going well. Still no job, but I’ve followed up and I realize that I must be patient.