I’ve decided that my attempt at becoming a vegan was really a starvation diet in disguise–another punishment that I inflicted upon myself for gaining weight this year.
I’m still off the dairy, for my face’s sake, but I can’t live by eating fruits and veggies alone. I had completely stopped eating whole grains too, even though I love my oatmeal, Kashi, and wraps.
We ALL know what punishment and deprivation leads to. . .
No, I didn’t binge. I thought about it–I even told my husband about how I was thinking about it. Last night we ate dinner out, despite the fact that we ate out all weekend long, but I was tired, defeated, and in a sense relieved that I realized the truth about my “raw diet”. I ate a chicken wrap, with black beans as a side, and later on that night I had a few saltines with peanut butter. Not my first choice as a dessert, but it hit the spot. You would think that this freedom would have made me happy, but last night was rough. Dh and I were off, and my baby Sadie was very restless all night.
I really need to see a therapist. I really feel like I’m drowning sometimes. Hopefully, this evening will be better.
I’m almost free.