Dreams

What makes me happy?

I’m sitting here at work actually working to a degree, giving my sister advice on her job that she hates via email. I’m telling her to follow her dreams–take risks–do what she never thought she could do because she didn’t have the courage. Life is short and unapologetic.

At first, I questioned the irony of my advice-giving. Am I following my dreams? Am I still chin-deep in a pity party? Am I being stifled?

Honestly, I can see that indeed, I am following my dreams. I will be teaching this fall. I will take one course for the PhD, and then I will apply to multiple schools out of state for the Fall of 2008. By this Christmas, my husband will be done with school and will be a teacher in his own right, and by the same token I will be free to pursue my own studies at a school that suits me without settlingfor BSU.

I will submit my thesis to a local historical journal for publication this summer. I will research my dissertation. I will prepare to teach World Civ, and I will cast my net widely to PhD programs that work with my research. I will not be afraid anymore. I will not apologize for making choices that suit me, and that nourish my dreams.

Whew. Not sleeping at night surely gets your brain juiced up the next day. Either that or I’m experiencing coffee-overdose.

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