As scheduled, I packed myself up to the school today to discuss the curriculum. I wore my comfy clothes because it was possible that I would be moving filing cabinets and books.
What I didn’t think to bring was some Advil and tissues.
I bawled in front of my headmaster and the other teacher. I had to tell them how I felt about the book and the philosophical beliefs of the school. We all talked openly, and I was frank with them about my faith and views, which seem to be at direct odds with the position of the school, which I can now see is ultra-conservative. I don’t think I’ve ever come this close to contact with the Religious Right in my entire life.
We parted after a few hours on the terms that he and I would take a few days to consider if I should teach there and if I could “grow” in my spirituality. If they are wondering if I can become like them, I cannot and will not. I know what my answer is.
As far as my next step, I don’t know. DH and I talked about it and we both think it is best to maintain your own integrity in these situations. If not, you lose your soul among other things. Right now, I’m not in a position to give that up.
So we’re weighing our options. I have such a headache I cannot even think straight at this point. I can’t believe how emotionally and physically drained I am right now–sure, I got a good workout in this morning, but it’s almost like I had a second more grueling workout at the school. I think I might be ready for bed.
This evening I’ve peeked at job listings, but I’m not going to seriously look until after a few weeks. DH and I are planning a small get-away, and I want to just focus on that for now.