panic mode

As I was folding laundry this morning I started thinking about the fact that I’ve been living the past year in panic mode.

I like being calm–who doesn’t? I think that scrounging around for a crash diet/workout plan is a result of my panic. When I’m relaxed and calm, I just eat like a normal person. As we got closer and closer to home on Sunday, I felt so much anxiety that I stuffed myself with carbs to calm myself down–precicely because I knew that upon coming home I would feel like I had to get a job–no, really make a decision on a life career-pronto. Now, I’m sure that any rational thinking person would realize that this panicky fanaticism only stresses the body out even more, which in turn leads to overeating, stress eating, and making bad decisions.

My hypothesis: I need to calm the f*ck down.

My strategy:

  • gradually swap coffee for green tea
  • try to incorporate more yoga (finding a good yoga podcast is a start)
  • stop looking for any old crap job and give my leads a little time to work themselves out (I was planning on taking the summer off, anyway.)
  • And finally, I want to begin reading my materials for my dissertation. I’ve amassed quite a few articles that I want to look over and think about molding my Master’s thesis into something bigger, but I can’t do that if I don’t start somewhere.

What am I waiting for? A written invitation to start my life?  

Every second of my day does not HAVE to be a life or death situation. I have got to calm down before I give myself a heart attack before I’m 30.

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6 responses to “panic mode

  1. I like this post! Here’s to a calm existence.

    I think I subconsciously get myself into a state of chaos because then I can do what I need to do to soothe the anxiety (i.e., eat, used to be drink) with less guilt.

  2. I do the exact same thing. I can easily let myself get out of control if I am full of anxiety. Honestly, I think this has been the whole root of my ED issues.

  3. I was just checking out your pictures and I have to say – you look fantastic. I think you look better now than when you were really skinny. You really are beautiful xx

  4. just passing by to say hi, hope you are doing well

  5. It’s funny you mentioned this, because it got me to thinking. I am usually more calm about food and eating and taking care of myself in general when I am on vacation than at any other time. Isn’t it strange how real life throws us into a tizzy?!

  6. Josie, Thanks. I’m beginning to really think that I have/had a warped idea about my body. I’m more and more amazed by how far I’ve come in fueling my body properly and how much I can make my body do! I don’t have to be a stick to see that. Looking at those pictures objectively has made it easier for me to feel better about myself.

    Hi Sarah!

    Jen, I think it has to do with being out of the hum-drum everyday life we lead. Getting away is a great escape.

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