Category Archives: Beauty of Life

Clear Skies

Part of me dislikes posting about feeling on the up–inevitably, every time I do, the next few days I crash and burn. BUT.

I feel good, health wise. I’m working out and eating right. No low carb or raw diets, just eating like I used to–lots of fresh fruit, whole grains, a little bit of meat, and low fat dairy. Realizing that my life is not spiraling out of control has brought me a sense of serenity, even though things aren’t exactly working out the way I had planned.

We found a new place, and unfortunately it’s an apartment and not a house. There was not a single house for rent in our new town, and we needed to move this month, preferably before school starts mid-month. Luckily, we can have our dog, no questions asked, and it’s a spacious 3 bedroom with a dishwasher and central air. I’m psyched. I hate washing dishes. As an added bonus, it’s a mere 1 mile from my work. If those bastards hadn’t stolen my bike, I could ride it to work.

I stopped by work yesterday and picked up a book for class. The secretary took us around to see my soon to be office, and I was pleased to have a space of my own. I have to keep reminding myself that this is only a year appointment, and they are as much on probation for me as I am for them. I have a right to decide whether I like the place or not.

I’ve been reading for my classes and I plan to spend this weekend getting together my syllabi so that I won’t have it hovering over me anymore. 

In a way I feel like I don’t deserve this–but I’m trying to just go for the ride.  

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WTF, wordpress??!!??

So, I just wrote a fantastically witty and insightful post about our trip to Gatlinburg (we’re leaving after lunch today, right after DH’s final exam) and it is GONE!

It’s not saved half way. It has disappeared. I’ll have to make a long story short:

going hiking and white-water rafting

will eat pancakes with butter and not feel guilty

“Gatlinburg is for Lovers” tee shirts

Sadie broke my in-laws kitchen window

Told in-laws I’m worthless and unemployed

did not binge yesterday despite yesterday sucking

If my in-law’s 3 dogs (pomeranians) do not stop the barking every few seconds, I may start poking my own eyes out and stuff my ears with biscotti

Be back on Monday. Don’t wait up.

happy hump day, y’all

Whew, my tag was successful. Woo-hoo, Jen!

 So there are quite a few updates on my life at the present.

1. I am no longer employed. I called the Headmaster yesterday and told him that no, my opinions haven’t changed and I am not a Neo-Confederate Conservative after thinking about it for 4 days. Now I have to bring their books back. Hopefully, DH will go with me one day after school so that I can have some emotional support–I’m greatly disappointed in the way this job turned out.

2. I have not had any alcohol in over a week, nor have I felt compelled to binge. I’m seriously thinking that I am at my worst in the 1-1/2 weeks before my period–and this is all new to me. When I was younger, not only did I have a very light cycle, but I never experienced PMS or any real mood changes. As I approach 30, my body is experiencing many new challenges, so it seems. Yay, body! (sarcasm, anyone?)

3. On the knee front, things are doing well. The right one still looks disgusting, but it has at least closed up. Monday I was able to workout–I did an hour of elliptical/weights. Then yesterday I ran intervals on the treadmill for 25 minutes followed by 20 minutes of the elliptical, and no knee skin-flap issues.

4. I have been cleaning and organizing like it is my job. Yesterday, I tackled the big tub that held my Master’s thesis resources. With all of our moves and what have you, purging crap has not been a priority. Thus, we have been hording some serious junk. Not anymore! (I have a pic of the crap I’ve been sifting through, but DH took the camera to school today.)

5. I’m not dieting. 🙂

6. I’m not freaking out. Emotionally, I’ve been on a pretty even-keel. Getting back into my workout routine and not worrying about calories, etc, has made me feel okay. Also, I just feel put together, despite the unemployment. I must admit I shed a few tears yesterday after my husband got home, but he held me and reassured me that I did the right thing. I love that man.

listen. . .

Can you hear that?

It’s the sound of me 7 full days binge-free. It’s the sound of me putting a handful of M&M’s back in the bag because I’m done. It’s the sound of me getting up, putting on my workout clothes, and kicking ass 7 days straight. It’s the sound of me standing up for myself, and being caught by my husband before I fall.  It’s the sound of crying, and laughter.

It’s the sound of me.

welcome back

I don’t know how I did it, but I really made it through last week alive, still married and still with all of my faculties. This weekend went by in a blur; my friend moved into a new house, so on Saturday, after DH and I walked Sadie, rode our bikes, and cleaned house, I went over to her house to check things out. Then Sunday was the ubiquitous Mother’s Day lunch with my sister and my Mom. I’m still not sure how I feel the day went. Of course, we talked about weight and I listened as they discussed diet pills, etc. I made my point that I am sick of diets, and that Weight Watchers is really Weight Re-gainers.

Both my Mom and sister agreed that I used to look sickly, and these extra 20-25 lbs (remember, the scale is gone) look good on me. Of course, I wonder if they were just putting me in my proper place as the one who wears size X, and not a size 8.

Enough of all that, though. Today was my first day not working my office job. As of today, I am officially preparing for teaching this fall. I’m taking this week as a vacation week–DH and I are going to the beach on Wednesday, and I’m going to clean out my closet and keep on top of my workouts. I also need to take care of a few things on campus(forms and such) for my class that starts June 11. I keep having to remind myself that I deserve this. I could *NOT* do it any longer.

It feels good.

Fartleks and Sushi

I can’t believe I left such a depressing post as my top post for so long. UGH. I’m really not that pathetic, honest! I should change the name of my blog to “My Pity-Party.” It would be so fitting.

I binged both Thursday night and Friday night, but on Saturday thankfully I wrangled the binge-monster and rightfully won. We had a great night last night–we got all dressed up, went out for Sushi and then went in the casino for a bit. I felt like an adult–I actually wore mascara! We never go to the casino because we’re not really risk-takers, and in fact, we had never been to the one here, so it was fun. We didn’t really win, though I played on my first 5 bucks for a long time. Probably half of the fun is watching other people and the way they behave in that environment–people sit in one chair and then hike their leg over another so that they can play two machines. We did see one woman hit it big on the quarter slots. She screamed. By the time we left, we were tired and laughing, then we came home and read for a bit before going to bed. It was quite nice; we never get a chance to go on real dates anymore.

easter-2007030.jpg

Today DH and I are taking our baby to the dog park, possibly riding our bikes afterwards, and grilling out before he has to go to work. Last night we talked more about training for a half-marathon. I’d really like to see this come to fruition–it’s something I really want to do, and this will be the perfect summer. For some reason though, I can’t train by myself. We have a subscription to Runner’s World, and I try to read the training plans, etc., but my eyes gloss over words like “tempo run” and “fartlek.” (he he he, I said fartlek!) 

I haven’t really analyzed why I binged on Thursday and Friday. The only thing I can think of is not eating enough during the day, and then feeling guilty and tired, thus throwing caution and reason to the wind. I guess I’m just moving on from it, and praying for peace.

Sky Blue

It is wonderful when you promise yourself that “tomorrow is a new day” and it really IS a new, beautiful day.

Last night was dark and gloomy, both inside my house and outside. I struggled all night long, and realized that I’m doing NOTHING to help myself feel better. I haven’t been working out at all. I haven’t been reflecting, meditating, or praying. I’ve been knee-deep in melancholy, sadness, and self-pity. Avoidance is my favorite past time. Why live life when you can scrape by, travelling from binge, to drink, to sleep? Today, my body is in shock as I am in DAY ONE of turning my life around. I’ve GOT to do something.

And what a new day, it is! We’ve been having pretty crappy weather here recently, but today it looks like the entire earth has been reborn. Of course, I am thrilled. Lord knows, I need some blue sky and sunshine.

Please make it last!