Category Archives: Running, Lifting, Stretching

Clear Skies

Part of me dislikes posting about feeling on the up–inevitably, every time I do, the next few days I crash and burn. BUT.

I feel good, health wise. I’m working out and eating right. No low carb or raw diets, just eating like I used to–lots of fresh fruit, whole grains, a little bit of meat, and low fat dairy. Realizing that my life is not spiraling out of control has brought me a sense of serenity, even though things aren’t exactly working out the way I had planned.

We found a new place, and unfortunately it’s an apartment and not a house. There was not a single house for rent in our new town, and we needed to move this month, preferably before school starts mid-month. Luckily, we can have our dog, no questions asked, and it’s a spacious 3 bedroom with a dishwasher and central air. I’m psyched. I hate washing dishes. As an added bonus, it’s a mere 1 mile from my work. If those bastards hadn’t stolen my bike, I could ride it to work.

I stopped by work yesterday and picked up a book for class. The secretary took us around to see my soon to be office, and I was pleased to have a space of my own. I have to keep reminding myself that this is only a year appointment, and they are as much on probation for me as I am for them. I have a right to decide whether I like the place or not.

I’ve been reading for my classes and I plan to spend this weekend getting together my syllabi so that I won’t have it hovering over me anymore. 

In a way I feel like I don’t deserve this–but I’m trying to just go for the ride.  

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panic mode

As I was folding laundry this morning I started thinking about the fact that I’ve been living the past year in panic mode.

I like being calm–who doesn’t? I think that scrounging around for a crash diet/workout plan is a result of my panic. When I’m relaxed and calm, I just eat like a normal person. As we got closer and closer to home on Sunday, I felt so much anxiety that I stuffed myself with carbs to calm myself down–precicely because I knew that upon coming home I would feel like I had to get a job–no, really make a decision on a life career-pronto. Now, I’m sure that any rational thinking person would realize that this panicky fanaticism only stresses the body out even more, which in turn leads to overeating, stress eating, and making bad decisions.

My hypothesis: I need to calm the f*ck down.

My strategy:

  • gradually swap coffee for green tea
  • try to incorporate more yoga (finding a good yoga podcast is a start)
  • stop looking for any old crap job and give my leads a little time to work themselves out (I was planning on taking the summer off, anyway.)
  • And finally, I want to begin reading my materials for my dissertation. I’ve amassed quite a few articles that I want to look over and think about molding my Master’s thesis into something bigger, but I can’t do that if I don’t start somewhere.

What am I waiting for? A written invitation to start my life?  

Every second of my day does not HAVE to be a life or death situation. I have got to calm down before I give myself a heart attack before I’m 30.

Back to reality

It has taken me days to read up on how everyone is doing, and I still have not finished reading, so comments are coming, I promise!

 The trip was great.  I tried to reason with myself that I deserved to eat whatever I wanted because I hiked at least 3 hours every day, plus went white-water rafting for a few hours on Saturday. All and all, I did pretty well. I over ate a few times, and the 10 hour drive home on Sunday was not pleasant (both DH and I ate crap all day and felt like crap both Sunday and Monday) but I’m starting to feel better. Plus, I began to feel shitty about not having a job and realizing that I had to come home and face my messed-up life. DH keeps reminding me that I was going to take the summer off anyway and that it would be ridiculous to take a job in haste instead of being patient and waiting.

I have sent in my resume to quite a number of private schools and a few community colleges. Of course, what I really want to do is just go to school full time this fall and not worry about a real job. Ah, student loans. That’s not appealing, but it can be done. I’m trying to hold out to see what becomes of my job search, though. I don’t know.

Miraculously, I haven’t lost 30 lbs overnight. I must admit, I’m a bit disappointed about my weight and the fact that I can’t just “diet down” to 135 again. Diets fail, I keep reminding myself.  I eat what I want. I’ve just gotta get rid of this guilt thing.

Oh, and on a suckier note, when we came back from the trip we noticed someone broke into our washroom and stole both of our bikes (mine had a brand new seat that I’d never even used), DH’s weed-eater, blower, and extension cord. They also tried to steal his lawn mower, but hey, their little evil- stealing-worthless-thief-hands couldn’t possibly carry all of that loot PLUS push a lawn mower. Now they will have to wait a little longer to start their summer lawn-cutting business.

Disgusting world we live in. F*ckers.

happy hump day, y’all

Whew, my tag was successful. Woo-hoo, Jen!

 So there are quite a few updates on my life at the present.

1. I am no longer employed. I called the Headmaster yesterday and told him that no, my opinions haven’t changed and I am not a Neo-Confederate Conservative after thinking about it for 4 days. Now I have to bring their books back. Hopefully, DH will go with me one day after school so that I can have some emotional support–I’m greatly disappointed in the way this job turned out.

2. I have not had any alcohol in over a week, nor have I felt compelled to binge. I’m seriously thinking that I am at my worst in the 1-1/2 weeks before my period–and this is all new to me. When I was younger, not only did I have a very light cycle, but I never experienced PMS or any real mood changes. As I approach 30, my body is experiencing many new challenges, so it seems. Yay, body! (sarcasm, anyone?)

3. On the knee front, things are doing well. The right one still looks disgusting, but it has at least closed up. Monday I was able to workout–I did an hour of elliptical/weights. Then yesterday I ran intervals on the treadmill for 25 minutes followed by 20 minutes of the elliptical, and no knee skin-flap issues.

4. I have been cleaning and organizing like it is my job. Yesterday, I tackled the big tub that held my Master’s thesis resources. With all of our moves and what have you, purging crap has not been a priority. Thus, we have been hording some serious junk. Not anymore! (I have a pic of the crap I’ve been sifting through, but DH took the camera to school today.)

5. I’m not dieting. 🙂

6. I’m not freaking out. Emotionally, I’ve been on a pretty even-keel. Getting back into my workout routine and not worrying about calories, etc, has made me feel okay. Also, I just feel put together, despite the unemployment. I must admit I shed a few tears yesterday after my husband got home, but he held me and reassured me that I did the right thing. I love that man.

All Skinned up

First, never think you can take your dog for a jog after you’ve:

A. Got her all stirred up by playing rough with her

B. Done the complete Jari Love Ripped to the Core workout

Let me tell you a painful story. After doing RTTC, I figured that since I was already sweaty I would grab some water and take Sadie to the levee for a walk/jog. We had been rough housing off an on all morning, so she appeared to have bountiful energy with which to jog with me. I thought to myself–it’s the whole 2 birds bit. . . she gets to use up her energy and get out of the house, and I get a second workout. Cool!

Not cool. About 10 minutes into it, I started to jog. Sadie has this thing she does where if she’s excited, and you’re running, she’ll jump in front of you. After my repeated “NO! SADIE, STOP!” She seemed to be doing okay. I tried to adjust my MP3  player while running, and of course she decided to try to jump in my face again.

I tripped.

I landed on a gravel road on my knees. I am sick to my stomach just thinking about the crunching. Ugh. Needless to say, my knees are fucked. Especially the right one. Apparently I put most of my weight on that one before I bounced back on my ass.

I was so mad.

So here I am, repeating, “OMG. Fuck!” and stealing glimpses of the mangled flesh of my knee, and Sadie decides the fun isn’t over. She’s having fun watching me in pain and cursing. I think the blood made her slightly mad, because she kept looking at me and rushing off, running in circles while I still had the leash in my hands. It was madness.

Finally, I got myself up and surveyed the damage again. Yep. I had to turn back. My right knee had a skin flap, and it burned like the many times I’ve burned myself on our stove or with my flat iron.

And of course, the first think I think is. . . “I’ve got to take pictures for my blog.” Snort!

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listen. . .

Can you hear that?

It’s the sound of me 7 full days binge-free. It’s the sound of me putting a handful of M&M’s back in the bag because I’m done. It’s the sound of me getting up, putting on my workout clothes, and kicking ass 7 days straight. It’s the sound of me standing up for myself, and being caught by my husband before I fall.  It’s the sound of crying, and laughter.

It’s the sound of me.

10 Minutes

Despite the troubles I’ve been having with binging and dieting this year, I’ve pretty much kept up my workouts. Though I’m not anywhere near my old 6-7 day/week workout schedule, I still manage to get 4-5 workouts in. One drawback that I’ve noticed, though, is that the intensity of my workouts is WAY down, and as a result, I’ve lost a degree of my cardiovascular fitness.

Case in point: running a 10 minute mile. Yesterday, after my husband and I ran about 8 minutes, then commenced walking, I mentioned that one of my goals is to run a 10 minute mile. Now, about 2 or 3 months ago, I was running 30-35 minutes, 3 days per week, plus doing step aerobics/ kickboxing, and lifting weights. Lately, however, I’ve been doing a lot of walking.

Well, my husband suggested that we try it right then. Okay, I thought. I can do this. So we walked down the trail a bit, turned around, and walked to a starting point that would bring us to a mile once we returned to the beginning of the trail. We started.

 I ran a 10 minute mile. It was hell. My lungs and chest hurt so much that tears welled up in my eyes and I got pissed that I had wasted this year and my fitness has suffered so much. But instead of feeling like a failure and wanting to eat everything in sight (the old might as well, I suck mentality) I really saw the abuse and disservice I’ve done to my body. As we walked to the car, my face red as cherries and my lungs one step away from hyperventilation, I thinkI got my mojo back. 🙂